You might own a DSM if... : DSM

You might own a DSM if… : DSM

You might own a DSM if…

1= If you’ve ever had to explain crankwalk to a mechanic….

2=If you have a garage full of spare engines, just in case….

3=If you’ve tried to bolt your old 14b onto a riding lawnmower….

4=If you’ve hit your head on the B-pillar during an AWD launch….

5=If you have a running tab at the local tranny shop….

6=If you go rallying in your daily driver….

7=If your driveway has divets in it cause your car never moves….

8=If you have a trophy case full of Honda and Mustang emblems…

9=If you eat “rice” for dinner….

10=If people recognize your car by the sound of it’s lifter tick….

11= If you drive 5 extra blocks for a gas station that has 1 more octane point.

12=If you get refused on your tread wear warranty every time you have tried, because of poor alignment.

13=If you bought half of your performance parts at Home Depot.

14=If every time you beat up a V8, they tell you that something was wrong with their car.

15=If you find yourself hanging with bikes out of the hole.

16=If people ask you what’s wrong with your car because it keeps making this noise.

17=If your freinds get beat in a race and call you immediately after to rematch for them.

18 = You have had to send a tow truck back to the towing garage because you needed a flat-bed.

19 = You always request parts for an Eclipse because the parts stores always lookup the AMC Eagle.

20 = You drop whatever you are doing when the UPS man brings a new part for the car. And then spend the rest of the day installing it.

21= You only carry a Palm Pilot to log your engine’s data.

22 = You change your tires, plugs and fuel curves for the winter.

23 = You know more about the 4G63 engine than some engineers at Mitsubishi.

24 = Your wife/girlfriend wishes your car never exsisted.

25=Your wife/girlfriend wishes DSMtalk never exsisted….

26- if you think your dsm should have come with a flatbed/tow truck following you from the factory.

27. If its one of the few imports a big fat farm kid can work on.

28=your car spends more time being broken than being driven

29=you dont let people drive your car into the bays because its “quirky”

30=you spent more fixing it than it cost

#31 -your eye automatically catches EVERY dsm that drives by on the highway

#32 your out driving/fixing in the winter more then you EVER wanted to be.

#33 (referring to 31) if it’s a 2g non spyder, you quickly check to see if it has stock dual pipes. then turn back to see you are swerving off the road

#34 before racing someone, you 90% of the time know their engine, hp, and performance specs. and you usually know if you will win or not

#35 right before u start modding, some damn matainence thing breaks down (i.e. alternator, starter)

#36 u barely have money for fun time (teenagers)

#37 u wake up in the morning look out the window and go “ahhh, what a nice car” / you wake up and see your damn broken car and curse up a storm

#38 you look at riced out civics and roll your eyes

#39 – right after you get your paycheck, you get online and spend it all on parts the same day.

40 = Every tire shop/parking garage/car wash/repair shop guy stalls out when he lets out your ACT 2600 clutch.

41 = Every car with an alarm triggers in parking garages as to say “hello”.

42 = Your exhaust note is so deep and unique that people expect you to pass by 1/4 mile before you get there.

43 = You wonder where all your money goes.

39- when you go to fix something minor you ALWAYS expect a major hassle and something else is GOING to go wrong.

40- is the best website to visit. no correction -THE ONLY WEBSITE TO VISIT!-

41=If your on a diet because you ran out of weight reductions for your car…

42=If a junk yard to you is an upgrade yard…..

43=If your car consists of parts from more than 10 other DSMs…..

44=If you always have to show your car in a garage…..

45=If you take offense to the word Riceburner…..

46=If you have a stick in your car, that’s job is to prop up the hatch…..

47=If your pasanger window takes more that five minutes to get all the way up.

48=If you never put more than a quarter tank of gas in your car…..

49=If your DSM is the most unreliable car you have ever owned, but still your favorite……

50- the letters d-s-m-t-a-l-k on your keyboard are so worn off your keys on your keyboard that you can hardly make them out anymore.

51 – The UPS guy comes over for a beer on a regular basis

52 – Your bucket of extra parts pulls 60 bucks on eBay

53 – sends you christmas cards

54 = An average oil change involves fresh oil, new filter and draining the catch can.

55 = The pages of your shop manual have more wear than the tires on your car.

56 = You know the meaning of VFAQ.

57 = Some people would like to go to Europe, you’d like to visit Normal IL.

58- You get in alot of races because your car “auto-revs” for you.

59- You’ve custom fabricated a carbon fiber cup holder

60- You’ve almost been strangled to death by the automatic seat belt.

61- You can launch your oil dip stick 20ft.

62- You know that your car has a built in toolbox under the hood….

63- If a honda owner ever looked at you funny when you say “free mods”

64) You have a bucket full of nuts and bolts and your car seems to run fine and you can’t figure out where the heck they go.

# 66 you carry ahydraulic jack with in your car at all times

# 67 when being towed you have to lift the front end of the car with your hands so the intercooler clears.

68- people call your car “valdez” after the oil tanker.

69- When the flatbed finally comes, you ask the tow guy for a piece of wood to put under your right rear tire (or left, if it’s a 2G) so you don’t scratch your muffler

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70- If your AWD is equipped with automatic windshield wipers enabling system after every hard launch… (1G)

71- If everytime you launch, you can’t see the damn road all the way through 1st gear (AWD)

72- Your headliner that’s falling off combs your hair every morning (1G)

73- You hear a different vibration inside your car for different RPM points (1G)

73- You are afraid to grab your Crank Pulley and check for play (2G 7-bolt)

76 – you have watched 3 passengers break their glasses on the idiot belts

77 – when people say “is your car running again?” you say “kinda”

78 – every time you work on your car you end up with more bolts than you started with

79 – you have a laptop with a datalogger and manual CD on it in your car at all times

80 – you have ever explained “fuel cut” to a scared female passenger

81 – people that can “drive stick” stall your car out 5 times before they get it out of the driveway

82. people think you are just revving your car in neutral when in fact it is 1st gear (fwd dsmers)

83. you have gotten in many arguements on how “your car CAN’t be THAT fast”. it is a friggin 4 cylinder mitsubishi!!!

84. you have to explain to a mechanic of 35+ years what “boost creep” is.

85. if you slam 2nd hard enough your wipers turn on

86. you buy a k&n filter and call it an “intake”

87. you thought you blew up your dsm but in fact the dipstick popped out and sprayed oul all over the manifold causing massive smoke ( come on, we all freaked out a little the 1st time the dipstick blew out)

88. when someone asks you how the car is running you never say “awesome” or “great”, just “its running”

82 – you hate the “hump” (1G AWD)

83 – your friend with a 5.0 says “at least my car is reliable”

84 – a normal weekend involves removing your transmission 5 times.

85 – you work all week so you can fix your dsm on weekends

86 – your friends think “phantom knock” is some sort of ghost movie

87. If you drive your car for 10 minutes, park if for 2 hours, come back out…it only takes 2 minutes to have the heat full blastin again.

88. You hear non-informed DSM’ers saying that chrysler over-all as a company sucks..and you have to reinform them that they are downing their own car.

89. After racing the honda boys with their “pimped” out cars you have to pop your hood for them to belive your cars almost completely stock (in my case)

90. You’ve owned something with the name Horsecock in it….;-)

91. You are completely dumbfounded when people say that eclipses and talons are hot but lasers are slow?

92. your mom claims a 4500 rpm launch “throws her back out”

93.- When over the school’s intercom you hear “Excuse me but the white mitsubishi eclipse is still running.”

94. When you get asked at least once a week if

‘That Hump’ is supposed to be on your hood.

95. Your friends with the tow company and they stop by every weekend to see what the new “project” is this weekend.

96. You dance every morning when your car cranks over.

97. when you ask your friend with a tow truck to tow your car every other day…

98. your “grocery getter” is a 12 sec car… 📷

99. You have the shop mannuel memorized

100. The local shop calls you to ask a question about a broken eclipse they have in there shop.

101. when people driveur car…and ask-whats that noise…you always reply with-which one

102. people driving ur car for the first time…get a new understanding forthe word torque steer -(fwd)

103. You drive all around town, aimlessly, when it’s running “right”.

104. Every time you scrape the front bumper, you and everyone else in the car feel the pain.

105. You wake up in the middle of the night, stumble to the computer and subconsiously type in DSMTALK DOT COM !!!!

106- everytime billy badass mustang driver says “buy a domestic” you scream at the top of your lungs “IT IS A ####ING DOMESTIC YOU DUMB sh**!”

107=If you can navigate at night with our 2 candle powered headlights…….

108=If at one point you could punch the gas and get the spy-hunter smoke screen…….

109=If you avoid car conversations with new people, so you don’t have to start from scratch…….

110=If your stock boost gauge reads 9 but you know it means 19……

111=If you tell people you have a two seater so that you don’t have to watch them suffer in the back seats…..

112=If you need to call someone to fetch your spare when you get a flat……..

113=If you have ever lit a cigarette off the exhaust manifold……

114=If you have attemted sex in your car once, and vowed never to do it again.

115. people who first drive your car and launches at 4500 and ask “why wont this thing burn out?!?!” (awd)

118. Youve uttered the words, “Officer I dont think i was going that fast.”

119. You’ve had to explain how your turbo timer works to your mechanic.

120. You show up at a friends house and their mom asks you why your car sounds like a truck.

121. You always give your shop manual to the mechanic when bringing your car in for work.

126. You always tell the person that is crammed in the backseat to watch their head when you hit a bump.

127. You get spanked by a supercharged Mustang and he tells you that out of all imports he’s raced you hung the best, and that he doesn’t even waste time on the “other” imports anymore.

128. Your first investment for your car should have been a lift.

129. Your car won’t start when the temperature gets below zero.

130. Your girlfriend knows what DSM stands for.

131. Your girlfriend laughs her ass off when she’s riding with you and a Honduh revs on you.

132. Your car was faster 2 years ago than all your friend’s cars are now.

140=Youve explained what “DSM” means so many times, you have the speech memorised

141=If your girlfreind prays that a contender doesn’t stop at the light next to you…..

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142=If you still put down 13 second track times in the rain…….

143=If every time you wrench you find more stuff that your car doesn’t need…….

144=If you try to race a random car and realize you just raced him last week…….

145=If you think the the 3G is the STUPIDEST idea ever……

146=If you have had to remove your radiator fans, because they just don’t fit in front of that Turbo…….

147=If you capitalize the word Turbo as if it’s a name……

151=When at the strip you sit around with the Z28s and WS6 guys and talk sh** about hondas.

152. When several people have nicknamed your car the “dumptruck” becuase of the replica exhaust note.

153. When you spool right next to a kid with his window down and wwhHAA– PSHSHhhh, blow off and break the poor kids neck, just becuse it’s funny.

154. When you’re dad gets scared when you order more parts–becuase he drives a 350 small block with 410 gears.

156. The 10mm and 12mm sockets are the dirtiest in the set.

157. You lose more 10mm and 12mm sockets in a month than most people do in 3 years.

158 = When the guy you are racing puts up his window in the middle of the race when you hit full boost.

159 = The black deposits on the rear bumper are now “part of the paint”

160 = You get scared if, when launching, you don’t hear a series of loud thumps coming from under the car.

161 = You get worried if you STOP smelling fuel/oil/exhaust while driving.

162. Your mind starts to race when your CEL goes off.

163. You think the hump ‘adds character’

164. When something on the car breaks, you spend hours on the internet researching a better, faster, and cheaper part

165. You have almost rear-ended too many people to count because you were trying to see if that was a gs-t or a gs etc.

168=If on more than one occasion an old guy in a Vette has said “what the hell do you have in there”?

169=If you buy a Super Sized drink, because you have a place to put it

170=If you price out performance parts that you can’t afford to buy

171=If you get a sick feeling in your stomach every time someone tries to BS a track time

172=If you own stock in an octane booster company

173=If you have over boosted without consideration of the cosequenses, just to see what she does

174=If you though you invented something, then later found a thread describing the same thing on DSMtalk

175=If you have a favorite stop light

176=If you drive around the puddles to stage

177=If you PORT on Friday night, while your freinds are out drnking

178=If you took your car to a shop that you didn’t know, they would definately fail the inspection.

179=If your exhaust could out flow sewer pipes

180=If the first thing your passenger asks is “whats that smell”

181=Every time you race, you have to put the dipstick back in

183. When you catch a rock to the hood on the highway and litterally shed a tear.

184. (in addition to 175) When your favorite light has a huge black patch of Tire Bite spread all over the luanch area.

185. When you look in the rearview between the 1-2 shift and scream– “AHhh that one shot a flame!”

186=If the person you just beat thinks you won because of the “rocket booster” disguised as a tail pipe.

187=If when driving through the getto your car backfires and clears an entire neiborhood.

190 = When you have more fun installing parts than actually using them

191 = People ask you what dyno shop you use for tuning, and you laugh at the thought.

192 = Your Palm pilot has no phone numbers or email addresses…it only has one real purpose

193. You take it upon yourself to make your “special blend” race gas in your basement with supplies from Painting and Home improvement stores.

194. You and the guys at Buschur, RRE, FP, and your local autoparts store are all on the first name basis.

195. Your Links toolbar in Internet Explorer is DSMTalk, DSMTrader, Paypal, and

199. You swap out your stock fuel pump and wonder what else you can use it for.

200. You know that this sig is all to true. –> “DSM’s, turning ordinary people into mechanics since 1989.”

210. Your left leg is larger in mass than your right one (act 2600 users)

211. Everyone asks if you car is still running when you get out.

212- some people like listening to the radio, you prefer your windows down listening to your turbo & bov.

213- you walk around the house going “sssssssss pssssssht” “sssssss psssssssht”

214: ur mechanic calls u at 10:30 at night asking u how to turn ur car off (hehe i love turbo timers)

216: you’re friends gave up calling you on weekends.. wait what friends??

216: u become utterly disturbed when u hear the terms “aluminum wing”, “apc taillights”, “wings west”, “chrome wheels”,”body graphics”,”shift light”, “honda”, and “in-car neons”

221: during a hard launch, you ask your passenger to lean forward to prevent wheel hop

222: you see a wrc evo and feel the need to say something along the lines of “i have that engine”

223. …..If you get pissed at ebay when they return Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of mental disorders auctions in your search results.

226=If you still scare the hell out of yourself every time you launch

227=If your friends complain for you to turn on the A/C and you refuse cause it slows the car down.

227: u found 9387498374 problems with the fast and the furious

235. If your spark plug cover is held on by one bolt because you over-torqued the rest of them.

238. Instead of sick days at work your boss has designated “DSM days”

239. When your family gives you flashlights, blankets, roadside assistance kits, and First Aid kits for Christmas.

240. When your pay more a month for repairs and/or mods then most people pay for insurance.

242- (FWD) You purposefully wheelhop when your girlfriend is in the car to make her boobs dance.

243=If even in the freezing cold winter you roll down the windows when approching a tunnel, so that you can make the LOUDEST purge ever…

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244=If one of your first mods was tearing out your AC……

245=If you can tell an entire story with smiles and no words…….

249. You get an evil-like grin on your face when a car pulls up beside you on the highway wanting to race, hears your BOV, and backs off.

250. People refuse to race you based solely on the fact that they’ve seen the GSX/TSi badge on your car.

257. You have been hit on the back of your head with your hacthback more than once.

258. Passenger say “oh sh**” and scramble for something to hold on too during a hard launch.

259. When people complain about the cost of 87 Octane gas, you shake your head knowing you have to pay alot more for premium.

260. A car has actually given up 3 seconds into the race

262: Being poor doesn’t even bother you anymore.

263: You drive around at a set RPM and make your passenger crawl around inside the car and find the rattle.

272. When you have to go into your DSMtalk profile and take the checkmark out of the box that says “send email when replies are posted” due to the thread “…..You might be a DSMer”

274. you have to explain that it IS possible to run more than 10 psi of boost

275. the only guage in ur car that u look at is ur boost

277. you have DSMers asking what the hell your car is (1.8l guys…i had to rep…no cam bulge)

278. you have a group on all messenger programs for DSMers

279. “DSM” shows up more than once in your cell phone’s phone book

280. you get more email about DSMs than junk mail

281. you can make a whole sentence out of 3 letter abbrieviations and 4 letter words and still make sense to all of your friends.

282. …another one for the 1.8l guys, you have had more than one person ask you to pop your hood because they have never seen an engine like yours

283. …another n/t one, turbo guys opt to take your car because its running

284. you have shown up to a DSM meet without your car (or like me and show up in a honda) because it died on the way

285. you can tell the make(mitsu/eagle/plyth.)/model(RS-t,GS/T/X, TSi ect.)/year of any DSM in 3 seconds or less.

286. you have articles of clothing that say DSM

287. you have called Satan with oil all over your hands and asked a question pertaining to the part you just removed from your car.

288. you have tranny fluid that is the consistancy of jello

289. you have a magnetic tranny and engine oil drain plugs because you need them

290. your friends nearly get into fist fights over shotgun

291. you have measured your pile of extra car parts

292. you have car parts in your bedroom closet

293. you have weighed your audio equipment

294. you hide your boost gauge

295. …you are in debt weather you know it or not

296. the words timing and belt send chills down your spine

297. your boss knows what dsmtalk/tuners is and is working on a way to block it

298. you think that there is nothing sexier than a front mount

299. you know that your car has more American parts on it than your neighbors ford

305) If you visit the car wash daily or every other day

306) If you take every single part out of your interior including all

the plastic pieces just for weight reduction.

307) If you have pics of DSM’s on your background and screen


308) if you own a two car garage and you have 2 cars but yet it

seems that the DSM always takes up both spots.

309) if you park 1/4 mile away from you destination, or take up 2

or more parking spots

310) if your boost controller blocks the way of you MPH gauge

311) You decide to drive around just so people will look at you.

312) your on a 100+ mile trip and your mom tells you to call when you get there, and the call comes about an hour or two earlier than expected. Then you have some explaining to do.

313) Instead of studding homework you read Import Tuner or Super Street…

314) If you take allys with tall building on each side just to hear your turbo hiss, your BOV, or your mufflers tone…

315) if you put off paying bills just to order that part you have been saving up for forever…

316) If your loan officer asked what you need a loan for and you answer “turbo upgrade”…

-If the local parts store recognizes your voice on the phone and lets you run up a tab until the car’s running again.

-your mechanic relies on your car to put his kids through college.

-The tow truck guy lets you accumulate frequent towing miles.

-The first questions friends ask when they see you is, “How’s the car running?”

-You’ve ever got mad, kicked your car and then apologize to it and swear you’ll never do it again.

-You’ve ever given yourself whiplash taking off from a stop sign.

-you can recognize sections in your shop manual based on the color fluid that’s staining the pages.

– if you know every bump in the road and avoid them at all costs…

– When people hear the bov they think you have NAWZZ!!!

– When you’ve owned your GSX for 6 months and it has only worked for 1

– People constantly come up to you in the parking lot and say “you left your car running” or “I wouldn’t leave my car running in this part of town…”

– Every Honda guy wants to race when they find out you have a new GSX

– When you laugh when honda/stang guys challenge you

– Left leg starts developing huge muscles due to your 3rd new ACT2600

– Car’s been dead soo long, when you drive your fiancé’s VW Jetta you think it’s fast!!!!!

– When you keep up with street bikes

– When no one believes your 4 cylinder beats Vette’s

– Only time your N/A dsm doesnt work is when you wrecked it…

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